I'm gonna have a badass scar
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
