My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
