There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
