she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
