The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
