I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
