Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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