They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
