Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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