apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
