I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
