Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
