Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
