last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
