hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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