Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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