be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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