BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
