Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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