I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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