i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
