so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
