mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
