'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
