She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
