I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
