Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
