New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
