The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
