I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
