I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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