dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
