How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
