i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
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I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
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All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.