So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
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