I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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