All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
