Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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