3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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