fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
