you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
