Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
