"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
