The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
