True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
