Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
