dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
