Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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