Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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