You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Your dad touched me again.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
