I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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