Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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