john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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