It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My underwear smells like fireworks.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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