i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
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