Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
time to smoke my breakfast
Ketchup is God's man juice
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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