i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
