Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
