god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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