It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
