Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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