Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
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Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
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Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
They are going to name an STD after you.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.