i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer