um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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