Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."