i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
