@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
