just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
