And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
