if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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