if you like me you must not know who I am
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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