Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
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Another day, another engagement, another cat
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
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He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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