once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
