when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
