just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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