FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
