When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize