am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
stop calling my apartment porn island.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
